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Fiona Taylor – We don’t ‘make’ people change….

Driving Instructor Trainer Blog for Driving Instructors

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That sweet moment when you realise your interaction and rapport skills are working… and that allowing the other person to be ‘free’ is the key 😊 
I was delivering an online course – I don’t remember which one specifically – but lets assume it was a speed awareness course. 
It was a full house of 9 and there was the usual varied selection of people attending.
One of the people was very frustrated (understatement!) to be there and let us all know about it on a few occasions. There are a few ways to manage these situations; though I was rather pleased to recognise what my skills had precipitated. It was much later in the course when this particular Client had been free to air frustrations and be heard that ‘it’ happened.
Early on in the course being asked to write anything on the paper and hold it up created eye rolls, tuts and huffs! I accepted and noticed but did not take this personally (I used to!) There were bit of information I gave that raised the tone and the frustration – and I maintained the balanced rapport using a few favourite phrases and just asking for a little patience as more of the course would offer more or even new information. I maintained that I was not there to make them think or feel differently. 
There was a point where it is not obligatory to write things down but in my usual manner I ‘invited’ people to write down the numbers IF they might find it useful in the weeks, months and years to come.
It was then! 
I was looking at that person’s expressions, interaction and realisation…. but they picked up their pen and began to write down the info that they wanted to keep from the course! In backing off and not ‘TRYING’ to change them or ‘MAKE’ them do anything that they were not willing to do – they were ‘free’ to see the information on their terms.

They would not lose face by acknowledging new beliefs about speed. From that point on in the course the interaction was wonderful and honest.

This is not the first occasion this has happened of course – and of course there are Trainers out there who do this way better than I do!
This occasion was just an example where I can see my development, and how it works. 
This example makes me think back to loads of Learner Drivers, Full licence holders and Fleet Drivers who are ‘freed up’ to change beliefs and opinions because the environment supports that. The environment I provide.
We don’t ‘make’ people change – they change themselves.
Thanks for reading

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