I’ve learnt to be Empathetic with myself.
What do I mean?
It’s no secret that all of us are our own worst enemies.
We are our harshest critics.
We put ourselves down, we tell ourselves we’re not good enough and we’ll never achieve what we’re trying to achieve.
But would we speak to our learners like that?
Absolutely not!
When our learners pass, we’re elated and feel so happy for them. When they fail, we are gutted and wish we could take the pain away. We will talk to them on that drive home kindly. We help them feel better by using sound reasoning, analysing the facts and figures of the result, and discussing a plan moving forward.
But why don’t we talk to ourselves with the same amount of compassion and reasoning?
Why, if we fail, do we put ourselves down and convince ourselves we’re not good enough?
Take a moment to think about how you treat yourself when you make a mistake or fail to reach a goal.
If you, like the majority of others, tend to beat yourself up if something goes wrong, you could use a little more self-compassion and self-empathy in your life.
Forgiving and nurturing yourself seem to have benefits in their own right. Strong self-compassion can even set the stage for better health, relationships, and general well-being. So far, research has revealed a number of benefits of self-compassion. Lower levels of anxiety and depression have been observed in people with higher self-compassion. Self-compassionate people recognize when they are suffering and are kind to themselves at these times, showing empathy towards themselves. This helps to lower their own levels of related anxiety and depression.
Learn to Have Self-Compassion and Self-Empathy.
Some people can have self-compassion naturally, but not everyone does. Luckily, it is a learnable skill.
Here are four ways to give your self-compassion skills a quick boost:
1. Be kind to your body. Eat healthily and avoid snacking in the car. Take time to rest. Massage your own neck, feet, or hands. Get some steps in (park slightly further away from your learners house; quick solution to walking more!) Anything you can do to improve how you feel physically, will absolutely give you a well needed dose of self-compassion.
2. Write a letter to yourself. Think of a situation that caused you to feel pain (a relationship breakup, a child going off to university, or a failed qualifying test, perhaps). Write a letter to yourself describing the situation, but don’t blame anyone — including yourself. Use this exercise to be aware of your feelings without putting yourself down.
3. Give yourself encouragement. What would you say to a friend if they were facing a difficult or stressful situation, such as a Part 2, Part 3 or Standards Check? Now, direct these compassionate responses toward yourself.
4. Practice mindfulness. Even a quick exercise, such as meditating for a few minutes, can be a great way to nurture and accept ourselves while we’re in pain. I’m a huge fan of saying to myself ‘breathe’.
These are things I put into practice to ensure I’m being empathetic and compassionate with myself.
Of course we will all have times while qualifying as an instructor, or as an ADI, where our emotions want to take over and we just want to tell ourselves we aren’t good enough.
But the fact you care so much is exactly the reason why you ARE good enough.
Don’t forget that.
Becky Seaton
Check out Becky’s Active Workshops and learn more about how to be empathetic with her. If you want more information of Becky, you can check her website here.
